Paris

A few weeks ago we went to Paris for a long weekend to celebrate my dear wife’s birthday. Although some time has passed since we got back, I felt I couldn’t let it pass without comment.

Paris is a truly beautiful city. From the moment we came out of the Metro at St Georges into a little green square with narrow streets running off it, it was a pleasure to behold. Over the next couple of days we visited all the major attractions we could, only missing the Louvre due to it being closed on a Tuesday, not a Monday as we thought.

First thing in the morning (11am!) we went to the Eiffel Tower, but the queues were quite long so we decided to return the next day even earlier. We then took a Batobus down the Seine to Notre Dame cathedral. One of the highlights for me was going into the cathedral. The sheer size of it inside was breathtaking, and the massive stained glass windows in the north and south wings were very impressive.

Sacre Coeur was a highly recommended attraction, and I enjoyed it mostly for the view over Paris it affords from the steps at the front. Though it was very (very) nice inside and out it could not compete with Notre Dame in my mind. The view however was perfect on the day we were there as the sky was clear blue and you could see all the way to the horizon. From our position we couldn’t see the Eiffel tower, but could see Notre Dame in the distance and even further away the Montparnasse tower, looking like a black monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey, looming over its surrounding buildings.

That evening we went for a walk, finding by chance the Moulin Rouge, before taking the Metro into the centre of Paris for a meal within sight of the Eiffel Tower and watching a cabaret show at Crazy Horse (my wife rocks!) before getting the last train home (they locked the gates after we left St Georges station, very lucky!).

Unfortunately it rained for most of the next day, but despite this we went up the Eiffel tower which gave great views again. I was very impressed by the Victorian engineering, but DW was less keen (certainly of the lifts) and would have preferred something a bit newer I think!

After that we travelled to L’Arc de Triomphe which again impressed me with it’s sheer size, walked a little down the Champs Elysses, and visited the Musee D’Orsay and looked at some painitings by artists such as Monet, Manet and Renoir. To be honest, art galleries are not really my bag, and we didn’t even bother going to see the Van Gogh paintings in the end. After that it was time to go back to the hotel for our bags and to head for the airport.

The food all weekend was amazing, even for us poor vegans! It helped that we found a vegetarian restaurant across the water from Notre Dame where I had the biggest vegan mezze platter in the world. Smoked tofu, seitan, grilled peppers and courgette, vegan coleslaw, a tofuburger and loads else, it was so good!

While Paris was excellent and the people very helpful and friendly, my French was appalling. Despite 4 years studying (admittedly finishing 17 years ago) I was unable to string 2 words together on the first day, mostly out of fear of embarrassment. I was getting more into it by the time we left, but still very slow and quiet.

The woman who asked me (in French) “Is this the stop for Charles de Gaulle” as we arrived at the domestic terminal stop caught me completely off guard. What I should have said is:

“Oui, c’est Charles de Gaulle. Mais il y a un autre gare en 5 minutes. Ici pour domestique, l’autre gare pour international.” (I think this is right, I haven’t looked it up)

However, as my brain was too slow at translating what she said, what I actually said was:

“Pardon, je ne comprends pas.”

Still, it’s the thought that counts and at least I answered in French.

The Phantom Menace

I had planned to blog last week about the above 10 year old film, but stopped as I thought "Nah, no-one would want to read that". Since then Andrew Collins has blogged about it, Richard Herring has tweeted about it, and it has been on national television at primetime. I did not watch it. After all that I decided to dust down the draft and post it anyway. You are free not to read it should you see fit.


It is 10 years since the release of Star Wars : The Phantom Menace. I wanted to write about this because, even after 10 years, it still irritates me for numerous reasons.


The original Star Wars films (the good trilogy) were part of my childhood, as I’m sure they were for many people. Because of this when the new films were announced in ‘95/’96 I was very excited.


Then Episode 1 was released. As soon as the opening titles appeared it was clear that something was wrong. Trade agreements and blockades didn’t sound very exciting, but maybe it would be ok.


No. It would not be ok.


What we got was essentially the plot from an episode of the A-Team (Helpless ordinary folks being bullied by an aggressor, the team come in and help fight them off, everyone lives happily ever after), with a tacked on story about how they found Anakin Skywalker. Or a story about how they found Anakin with an A-team episode tacked on, I can’t decide which plot arc is worse.


But there were worse things than the overall plot. In no particular order:



1. Jar Jar Binks. The much maligned possible racial stereotype CGI idiot. Clearly only there for comedy effect (but without any comedy) and to show off Industrial Light & Magics CGI skills, there was nothing redeeming about him. He did get his own usenet group though, alt.fan.starwars.jar-jar-binks.die.die.die.

2. The pod race. Added nothing to the story, and appeared to be there so they could again show off their CGI skills, have a chase scene (In the absence of proper space battles) and show how smart Anakin was.

3. The spaceships. The ships in the original trilogy were chunky, functional looking machines. A style that has been immitated many times since then (Battlestar Galactica, Stargate SG-1, Wing Commander, etc) as they look like they fit a purpose. However now, some 50 years or so earlier, we have ships like the sleek vessels of the Naboo and Gungans, which looked completely different. Why years later would the ships look so low tech in comparison?

4. C3PO & R2D2. Why are they even there? There are so many things wrong with this it makes my head want to explode. Anakin’s mother needs help around the house, so he builds her a protocol droid who can speak several billion languages and can’t walk properly or straighten his arms? I’d be grateful and all, but would ask if maybe he could make a cleaner droid or a child minder droid first. And R2D2 belongs to Obi-Wan? Ok that maybe explains why he knows where to go on Tatooine in Episode 4, but it’s still a bit of an awkward way to get a favourite character into the film. It gives the impression Lucas wasn’t confident enough in the new characters he had created (with good reason it turns out). The inclusion of these droids is nothing short of insulting to the intelligence of the viewer.

5. The Imperial Senate. Just how long is spent watching bureaucrats debating trade agreements and sanctions? It saps the life out of the movie and the viewer.

6. Immaculate conception. Turns out that Anakin was an immaculate conception. Seriously? Yes, seriously.



I could go on, but I’d really rather not for fear of injuring myself in a fit of rage. One plus from The Phantom Menace was that it was so bad I quite enjoyed Attack of the Clones by comparison (yes I continued to watch the movies) even though it is completely mediocre. I cannot recall anything about Revenge of the Sith except the hastily revealed Darth Vader at the end, whose low tech costume again stood out like a sore thumb against the sleek look of the rest of the film.


However I will say Ewan McGregor was excellent as Obi-Wan, and possibly played Alec Guinness better than Alec Guinness could have done.



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Gonnae No Drink So Much

On Saturday we were in Edinburgh for some shopping and went to Walkabout, the Australian bar in the Omni Centre. They were offering a new discount card, the Boomerang Card (sadly rectangular in shape), which gives you 25% off food and drink. Despite it costing £3 I still saved money on 2 meals, a beer and an OJ & lemonade which was ace.

Looking at the back of the card though, in the small print it says “Selected drinks range in London. Soft drinks only in Glasgow.”

It seems their reputation precedes them!

Ironically I filled in their online form and won a Beefburger. Bollocks.

Statistical Predator!

Just realised I have not posted anything stat-related on this website yet.



In order to rectify this, I give you:




Illegal in 9 countries, it stings the nostrils. In a good way.


As worn by Brian Fantana.

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